6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
