You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
