Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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