Swine flu is the new snow day.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
