I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
