I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
