Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize