only you would photoshop your dick
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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