Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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