Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
