the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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