he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
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Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
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I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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