In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
