I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
