I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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