I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
