you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.