Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
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I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
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sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10