if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."