I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina