My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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