dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning