Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
