I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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