Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
