dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
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Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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