I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
