conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
