i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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