Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so explain again why im purple
no
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
