Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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