Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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