No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
