The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
