9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
