she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Randomize
