Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
