I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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