I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
