Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
