I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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