how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
