Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
