Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
