Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
