I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
