Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
