My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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