I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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