last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
