put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Pants are for mortals
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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