Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
