Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
