If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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