If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Ketchup is God's man juice
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
