Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
