Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?