why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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