Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake