Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.