girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
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masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
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Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on