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I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
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