Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
