Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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