Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
