He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
