Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
