he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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