Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
