i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
