i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
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Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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