you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so let's talk penis.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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