i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
