There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
