I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
