His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
