She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
