omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
