i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
