I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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