WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
