I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
