i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
