I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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