I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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