We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
