Rock
Scissors
Fuck
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
