So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
